Definitely not jealous – Rapunzel’s story (6)

* Rapunzel’s perspective

I felt a flare of irritation as the lion and unicorn circled me as if I were some kind of monkey in a zoo, inspecting me from every angle, but I composed myself and continued to speak.

‘Right. Finding an antidote to help Fiona return to her original form is the priority here!’

“Ahem. Greetings, barons. My name is Rapunzel. My friends and I heard about your predicament from Ms. Humpty Dumpty, and we came to help. This charming gentleman over here is the finest hatter in the land, and he can craft a crown that’s an exact replica of the crown you’re fighting over.”

“I said I don’t want a fake!”

“That’s right! I’d rather have my head chopped off than accept a knock-off!”

They really were hot-tempered barons.

“Now, now, let’s stay calm. You haven’t yet heard the whole story! What if our skilled hatter made an exact replica, presented it to you alongside the real one, and you each tried to identify the real crown? The first one who successfully recognizes the true crown gets to keep it. ‘Only those who can recognize the true crown deserve to possess it!’ Isn’t that a splendid idea?”

“Hm…”

The lion and the unicorn listened to me, then exchanged contemplative glances.

“What do you think? It seems like a fair suggestion to me,” the lion said to the unicorn.

“I agree!” The unicorn extended a hoof out to shake with the lion.

“Excellent. Then it’s settled: ‘The first one who can identify the true crown shall claim it.’ Intriguing!” the lion said, clasping the unicorn’s hoof with an insidious grin.

“Well then, I’ll just take this crown over here.”

I tried to pick up the crown they were fighting over, but my small body couldn’t lift the heavy golden piece crafted from solid metal. Not matter how much I strained, the crown didn’t budge, and finally, I lost the strength in my arms and flopped down in exhaustion.

“I should take this over to Mr. Harris, yeah?” Chester, now in human form, asked, effortlessly lifting the crown with one hand and placing it atop his head. He even hoisted my exhausted, collapsed self up onto his shoulder and began walking toward Harris, who stood a short distance away.

‘How long has it been since I last sat on Chester’s shoulder like this? Since we first escaped from the toad den, maybe? Since then, I suppose that frog named Fiona has sat here in place countless times.’

Sitting on Chester’s shoulder, leaning against his neck, I snuck a glance up at his face.

‘Was he always this handsome?’

Maybe it was because it had been awhile since I’d last seen Chester’s human face up close, but he looked even more attractive than usual.

‘That chiseled jawline, so sharp from this angle, and those full, rose-tinted lips—He looks more handsome than I’ve seen him in a long time, and he’s even wearing a crown!’

With the crown on, he looked like a prince from a storybook. A prince so handsome and refined that all the princesses from neighboring kingdoms–and perhaps some princes too, depending on their preferences–would gladly offer everything, even their own livers and gallbladders, to try and woo him.

So it was no wonder, really, that watching Chester spend so much time with that little frog Fiona tied my stomach up in knots.

‘Hold it! I have Harris, remember? What am I even thinking? I’m not about to turn into some shameless two-timer like a character in some novel, right?’

I shook my head, trying to dispel the thought that I might’ve been heading down the path to becoming a real scumbag..

“Now then, if you please, Harris,” Chester said with a smile, setting the crown in front of him.

‘Right. They’ve only just now started to get along well, so there’s no need for me and my indecision to stir things up and drive them apart again.’

Tip-tap-tip-tap.

While I was agonizing over my thoughts, Harris had already finished creating a crown that was an exact replica of the one we’d taken from the lion and the unicorn. In front of us now lay two indistinguishable crowns.

“Wow, Harris, you’re amazing! Why, even those rubies and sapphires on the crown…! How can you manage to make something that looks so much like the real thing, ribbit?”

“Well, after a lifetime of making real-looking fakes to sell to rich, clueless young masters, this is easy as lying down and eating rice cakes,” Harris replied with a proud, expression, his arms folded in a somewhat smug manner.

“Right then, if you would please, Chester. As you can see, I’m much too small to move these large crowns, so please take them over to the lion and unicorn.”

“Just leave it to me!” At Harris’ request, Chester picked up the two crowns, one in each hand, and carried them over to the where the lion and unicorn were waiting some distance away.

‘Tsk. I was hoping to see Chester wearing the crown one more time. Then again, maybe it’s better not to see him looking all dashing and prince-like, it might make my heart get fluttery and send me back into scumbag territory….’

“Now, barons. Can you guess which crown is the real one? Remember, you only get one chance. Once you choose, there’s no changing your mind,” Chester declared to the barons while my thoughts were pondering him, giving them one last reminder of the rules of the game.

“Do you know which one it is? The real one? I, for one, could tell right away. Just wait—I shall prove that I am most unquestionably the true owner of the crown!” the lion said to the unicorn.

“Oh, sure! Aren’t you just shouting like that because you’re confused about which one is real? Even from a distance, the way the one on the right twinkles in the sunlight makes it obvious it’s the real crown,” the unicorn shouted to the lion.

“Hahaha, you’re really nothing special, huh? It’s clear as day that the one on the left is genuine!”

“Just now, what did you say? ‘Nothing special’? You’re the one with no eye for quality! The one on the right is real! Isn’t that right, Miss. Thumb-sized-human?”

As the lion and unicorn continued to bicker, the unicorn suddenly turned to me, who had been spectating their argument. The lion immediately looked expectantly to me as well, as if waiting for my answer.

‘Huh? Why are you dragging me into this all of a sudden!? I don’t know which it is! No one does except for Harris, who created a crown here…so why are you asking me?!’

“I’m afraid both of you are wrong.”

“Ha-Harris!” I turned to see Harris walking over to us, hands behind his back, wearing a smug expression on his face.

“How dare you! Do you not fear the wrath of a lion?”

“Clearly, you haven’t seen an angry unicorn, or you wouldn’t be talking nonsense!”

Upon hearing Harris’ words, both the lion and unicorn stamped their feet, causing the ground—and even the lake nearby—to tremble.

“Heh, calm yourselves. The real crown is still over there with our companion, Miss. Fiona. In other words, both of the crowns before you are fakes,” Harris continued calmly, as if a furious lion and raging unicorn were no big deal.

“What, what? Are you making a mockery of noble barons like us?” the lion roared angrily.

“The lion is right! If what you’re claiming is true, then prove that these crowns are both fake!” the unicorn chimed in after the lion..

Harris beckoned to Chester, holding a hand to shield his mouth as if to keep what he was saying secret. Chester picked him up and placed him on his opposite shoulder, allowing Harris to start whispering something in his ear. After listening to Harris, Chester nodded and, to everyone’s shock, tossed both of the crowns that had been in front of the lion and unicorn into the lake.

“Chester, are you out of your mind?! Harris, what in the world did you say to Chester!?” I asked, as stunned as the lion and unicorn were to see the crowns sinking into the water.

“Calm down, Rapunzel. Unlike the real crown, those two fakes aren’t made out of pure gold, so this should prove to them that they’re not real.”

Oh! Of course!

Since the fake crowns weren’t made of gold, they wouldn’t float. It was the first time where the laws of science I’d learned from my tutor, courtesy of the White Queen, actually helped me in real life.

Splash!

At that moment, the lion and unicorn leapt into the lake with a tremendous splash. At first, they floundered in the water, splashing for a long time as if unaccustomed to swimming, but soon they dove beneath the surface, trying to retrieve the fake, sinking crowns.

After some time…

“Nyaaaargh!”
“Heeeeeeh!”

Just when I began to worry that they might drown before we got the antidote to restore Fiona’s human form, the lion and unicorn finally emerged, sputtering water. Their appearances were almost comical. The sight of a fierce beast like the lion, and a sacred animal like the unicorn, soaked to the skin and shivering in the cold like soggy, oversized drowned mice…well, I actually felt embarrassed for them.

The lion and the unicorn, each carrying one of the fake crowns Chester had thrown to the bottom of the lake, managed to drag themselves back up onto the shore where they panted furiously, in a hurry to catch their breath and shout angrily at us.

“What, what were you thinking!?”
“The crown nearly sank to the bottom of the lakebed forever!”

“I did tell you that they were both fakes, didn’t I? It’s not my fault that two fools who didn’t believe me went and ran into a lake. Or are you perhaps telling me that the great, worldly barons, the lion and the unicorn, were unaware of the basic scientific common knowledge that a real crown made of pure gold won’t sink?”

Hearing Harris’s remark, the lion and unicorn’s lowered their heads, which had flushed red as if they were ashamed of having recklessly plunged into the lake after counterfeit crowns.

“I asked Chester throw the fake crowns into the lake, hoping that one of you would see them sink, notice that they were fakes, and recognize the real crown that Fiona was guarding over there. But clearly, neither of you, who not only lack basic common sense about crowns, but who are also too busy here fighting over them every day to take care of your families, deserve to be the owners of the crown!”

‘I’ve never seen Harris so serious.’

Even Chester was staring at Harris blankly, eyes wide, perhaps taken aback by his uncharacteristic seriousness.

“It’s shameful, as you say, young man.”

“The lion is right. We don’t deserve the crown.”

The lion and the unicorn, stunned by Harris’s rebuke, bowed their heads.

“What now? I see I am not worthy of the crown. I’ll let you have it,” the lion said to the unicorn.

“No, I’m unworthy too. Please, you take it,” the unicorn replied, shaking his head.

“Ahem.”

Watching them, Harris cleared his throat, and the lion and unicorn exchanged glances before turning to him with eyes full of hope.

“Hatter, with your knowledge and respect for crowns, you deserve to be its owner. What do you say, unicorn?”

“You’re right, lion. This young man is the one most deserving to be the crown’s master,” the unicorn agreed.

“W-What?”

I wasn’t the only one I shocked by this turn of events. Chester, Harris, Fiona, and even Humpty Dumpty, who was watching the situation from the side, looked surprised at the sudden change of attitude from the lion and unicorn.

“Haha, you flatter me. I am but a humble hatter. To be considered worthy of the crown is more than I deserve,” Harris replied, “But if you’re so inclined, I do have a small request…”

Turning down the offer from the lion and unicorn, Harris gave a full account of the circumstances that led us to them: how we had come to seek them out after hearing their story of being able to change form from beast to man at will from Ms. Humpty Dumpty, and that we did so for the sake of Fiona, who had been transformed into a frog.

“Oh, so that’s what brought you here!”

“Well of course we can help you with that!”

“Wow, really? Thank you so much!” Chester exclaimed, his face lighting up.

‘Tsk, why’s he making such a fuss?‘

“Fiona! Fiona! Hurry and come here! They know how to turn you back into a human!”

At Chester’s call, Fiona hopped over to us, practically glowing with anticipation.

“Oh! So this is the young lady who was turned into a frog?” the lion asked, looking at Fiona.

“Yes, Lion. That would be me, ribbit,” Fiona answered. “I’ve come all this way because I heard you might know how to return me to my human form, ribbit!”

“If you drink this potion, and you’ll turn back into a human being” the lion tucked an enormous paw into an even more enormous, thick mane and produced a small blue vial, which he handed to Fiona.

“Th-Thank you so much, ribbit!”

With joy, Fiona clutched the potion, hopping around excitedly as she thanked the lion over and over again.

“Oh! Hold on! That potion—!” The unicorn watching from the side stopped Fiona just as she was about to drink the potion.

“Huh? What is it, Mr. Unicorn? Ribbit!” Fiona looked at the unicorn curiously.

“For that potion to work, you need to be kissed by someone.”

“Eh? What?!” Fiona leapt back in surprise at the unicorn’s words.

“Yes, a kiss! Someone has to kiss you for the magic potion to take full effect! Haven’t you read that in fairy tales?”

Oh, poor Fiona…After all the twists and turns, she finally found a way to return to her human form, only to now need someone’s kiss for it to work! Nobody would be would be willing to kiss an icky frog. Certainly nobody here.

I’m straight, so I would never kiss a female frog like that, and Harris, who became…uh, quite close with me last night, would never in a million years consider kissing an ugly frog like that either. And then, of course, there was Chester, who looked even more dashing than usual after finally returning to his human form…

“I’ll do it!”

‘W-What? What did he say?!’

My prediction was completely off the mark. After hearing the unicorn say she needed a kiss to regain her original form, Chester volunteered as Fiona’s knight in shining armor without even a moment’s hesitation.

“Chester? Are you serious? I mean…kissing a frog? That’s not… it’s not like you at all to do something like that! I mean, even if she’s a friend, don’t you think kissing a frog a bit much?”

I stretched my arms out to tug on Chester’s earlobe from my perch on his shoulder, trying to dissuade him.

“What do you mean by ‘like me,’ Rapunzel? Sure, kissing a frog might seem… but after everything, I can’t just disappoint Fiona after we’ve come so far! Besides, I’ll just close my eyes and do it!”

Chester set both Harris and me down from his shoulder and onto the ground as if he couldn’t be bothered with me anymore, and instead placed Fiona on his palms.

“Ch-Chester, are you really sure you’re okay with this? I mean, I appreciate it, but anyone would hesitate, kissing a frog is a bit…” Fiona stammered, unsure of what to say.

“Oh, c’mon, it’s not a big deal. Just think of it as a favor between friends! And yeah, I’m comfortable with doing you a favor,” Chester reassured the restless Fiona with a gentle smile.

“Well then… if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to ask you for a favor,” Fiona blushed and whispered shyly as Chester’s face drew closer,

“I’d be happy to…”

With his eyes closed, Chester leaned forward, his plump lips a vibrant, cherry red. They inched closer to Fiona’s mouth, which was a purple-greenish, slimy shade, reminiscent of rotting spinach. She closed her eyes in turn.

Poof!

The moment Chester’s warm, red lips touched Fiona’s damp, soggy ones, a thick cloud of purple smoke burst into the air, obscuring everything in front of us.

“Cough! Cough!”

Inhaling the thick smoke, I couldn’t stop myself from coughing.

‘Wh-where’s Chester?’

As I pounded my chest with one hand to ease the coughing and tried to wave the smoke away with the other, a familiar voice floated to my ears.

“Oh, Chester! Dear, darling Chester, thank you!”

It was Fiona’s voice.

When the smoke finally dissipated, the unsightly frog was nowhere to be seen. In her place stood a beautiful woman, with neatly tied, long, richly black hair that had a mysterious hint of purple. Her slim arms were thrown around Chester’s neck, and her deep, coal-black eyes sparkled brilliantly as she gazed up at him.

“F-Fiona? Is it really you?”

When Chester saw Fiona, who had turned into a human being, his eyes widened in disbelief.

“Yes! It’s me! Fiona!” Fiona responded with a joyful smile, her tearful voice choked with emotion.

“You’re finally back to being human, I can’t believe it! Fiona, I’m so happy for you!” With Fiona’s arms still wrapped around his shoulders, Chester held Fiona close, his hands resting on her waist, and with a face full of joy, he swung her up into the air with giddy excitement.

‘Hmph. You sure seem pleased You have female friend who’s so pretty…‘
Watching them laugh and smile, wrapped in their own little world, I muttered to myself.

‘But, wait a minute! Now that Fiona’s back to being a human being, I won’t be jealous of a frog but of my childhood friend’s gorgeous new female friend! Well, it’s not like I’m jealous of her, just of the fact that my childhood chum has a new friend, right?

I tried to reassure myself that nothing had changed, that there was no reason for things to be any different than before. But deep down, that faint current of doubt inside me only deepened and grew stronger…

How long will Fiona and Chester remain ‘just friends’?

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Translator comments:

Ahahaha, Rapunzel, this is not you at your best, gotta say. But, that opens the door for delicious character development!

Also, either I translated this wrong or the science is wrong–gold does not float in water y’all. It’s pretty dense (~19.3 g/cm³) And it definitely won’t float when you add in sapphires and gemstones. It would make more sense, IMO, for the fake crowns to float, especially if the ‘gemstones’ were hollow fakes and the ‘gold’ was something like pine wood…but it would be less dramatic.

Translator notes:

• …간 쓸개 원하는 대로 다 빼 주겠다면서 구혼하러 올 정도로 잘생기고 정갈한 외모의 그런 왕자님 This sentence uses an idiomatic expression in Korean, 간 쓸개 다 빼주다 where 간 쓸개 is literally ‘liver and gallbladder’ and 다 빼 주다 is something like ‘to take everything out and give it’. It more or less means a strong devotion or willingness to go to great lengths, do anything or give everything to please or win someone over. I suppose it’s something like ‘I’d sell a kidney on the black market to get those concert tickets’, maybe?
• 양다리  literally translates to “Two legs”. It’s a slang term for someone trying to balance two romantic interests at once, ex, put each of one’s two legs in different places/play a double game/try to have it both ways.
• 누워서 떡 먹기 literally means “lying down and eating rice cake.” This phrase is a Korean idiom used to describe something that’s incredibly easy or effortless, akin to the English expressions “a piece of cake” or “as easy as pie.”
• 칫/쳇 (chis/ches) an exclamation/verbalization without a specific meaning, but used when the speaker is angry about or dissatisfied with something. So something like, ugh, tsk, hmph, aww, sheesh, shucks, etc. Honestly though, it could also be a nickname for Chester.
• At one point the lion uses 이 몸 (literally translates to “this body”) which is a somewhat archaic or grandiose way for someone to refer to themselves, often implying a sense of pride, self-importance, or authority. I ended up padding the sentence a bit to work around it.
• There’s one phrase here I hit my head against way too long. Fiona exclaims, “오, 체스터! 고마운 나의 체스터!” which is challenging to translate smoothly into English without making it seem overly romantic. The phrase combines 고마운 (meaning “grateful” or “thankful”) with 나의 체스터 (“my Chester”), expressing Fiona’s familiarity, appreciation, and affection for Chester but without necessarily implying romance, intimacy or possessiveness. If anyone has better ideas, weigh in (this is always true not just in this chap btw)

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Mimetic words / onomatopoeias / sound effects:

• 풍덩 (pungdeong) water sound, like plop/splash/splish
• 개굴 (gaegul) sound of a frog (could be ‘ribbit’ or ‘croak’ for American English)
• 뚝딱뚝딱 (ttugttagttugttag) a short and abrupt sound, like the ticking of a clock, or the sound of footsteps. I assume in this case it’s scissors.
• 냐하아앙옹 (nyahaaangong) ….idk, y’all.
• 이히히히히힝 (ihihihihing) horse sound, like a neigh or a whinny
• 하하하 (hahaha) …. hahaha (laughter)
• 펑 (Peong): This is the sound for a “poof” or “pop” when the magic takes effect. It signals the transformation and adds a sense of surprise. We saw this with Chester’s transformations early on.
• 헛기침 (Heot-gichim): A throat-clearing sound