Buried Tears, Buried Past – the Hatter’s story (4)
* Hatter’s perspective
“Burp! So full!”
“Son! Burping at the table is impolite! Now, apologize to everyone.”
“S-sorry…”
“Hahaha!”
Macbanseok’s adorable response made us all burst into laughter.
It felt like it’d been ages since I’d had a meal this satisfying, not since being banished to the Mirrorlands by the King of Hearts. Back at Gus and Jack-Jack’s mouse hideout, I did get some scraps here and there, but it was usually leftovers thrown away by people from the castle—definitely nothing remarkable.
Tonight, however, we had freshly baked bread, piping hot stew with chunks of meat, and all in all, it was the finest feast I’d had in years. More than the food, though, it was the warmth of sharing a table with others, laughing and chatting, something I hadn’t experienced since my childhood when I still lived with my parents.
“Well, I think it’s time for us to turn in, ribbit. Thank you for the delicious dinner, ribbit!”
Glancing at the clock hanging above the fireplace, Fiona, who had been treated to well-grilled flies and mosquitoes by Ms. Humpty Dumpty, spoke up.
“Oh my, look at the time! Yes, you all deserve a good night’s rest after everything today. Thank you all so much for your hard work!”
With that, we said goodnight to Ms. Humpty Dumpty and Macbanseok and made our way upstairs to the second floor.
I wasn’t sure how long had passed before the sound of wind woke me.
Snore, snore…
As I looked around, unsurprisingly, Fiona and Chester were fast asleep, dead to the world.
‘Well, given everything that happened today, it’s no wonder they’re exhausted… but where’s Rapunzel?’
No matter where I looked, Rapunzel, who should have been next to Fiona and Chester, was nowhere in sight. Carefully stepping on tiptoes, I slipped out of the room.
When I opened the door quietly, I saw Rapunzel at the end of the hallway, gazing up at a family portrait of Humpty Dumpty and her son hanging on the wall.
“Ahem.“
I faked a small cough as I approached, letting my presence be known so as not to startle her.
“Oh! Harris! What are you doing up so late?”
“I could ask you the same, Rapunzel. Why aren’t you asleep?” In response, she turned to look at me, her face carrying a faint sadness. “Did… something happen?”
“…..”
Rapunzel didn’t open her mouth in response to my question, but just looked down at the floor, looking like she could burst into tears at any moment.
“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
I gently wrapped her in my arms, and as she rested against me, I could feel her shoulders begin to shake, her quiet sobs rippling through her body. Unable to just stand by, I softly patted her back.
“When I looked at Humpty Dumpty and Macbanseok, and I just thought… how lucky they are,” she said at last, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Hmm?”
Rapunzel, still in my arms, continued, her voice trembling. “Even if Humpty Dumpty made mistakes, at least she genuinely cares about her son, you know?”
“…..”
What was she trying to say? I couldn’t fully understand the layers that might be behind her words, but I remained silent, allowing her the space to continue.
“Recently, I found out… that my mother, the person I thought loved me, is actually someone who kidnapped me.”
“What?”
“Claiming it was to ‘protect me’, she locked me away in a tower and made it so aside from her and my tutor, I couldn’t meet anyone else… sob. I resented her so much, but I thought she did it out of love. But now I know that wasn’t the truth and… sob.”
I was utterly speechless.
To think that something like that had happened to Rapunzel! To think something like that could happen at all, really. I’d thought I had encountered every kind of madness under the rule of tyrants like the King of Hearts, the Queen of Hearts, and even the White Queen with her hysterics. But even their lunacy seemed trivial compared to what Rapunzel had endured.
What kind of a deranged person kidnaps someone else’s child and raises them as their own? Only the most twisted mind could even conceive such a thing.
‘Mom, no! Please don’t do this. Please… sob’
Damn. Another memory I preferred to not to think of came back to me.
Watching Rapunzel cry over her mother reminded me of… I hated to admit it, but it was like looking at my younger self. The helpless, all-night tears of a child that wouldn’t stop, because of the mother who didn’t even deserve to be a mother who, because she needed money, sold me to a hat factory where I couldn’t eat a proper meal or sleep more than four hours a day,
“Rapunzel… it’s okay, look at me.”
“How can you just say ‘it’s okay’? What do you know? Do you have any idea how miserable it feels to be abandoned by someone you love, the only family you have in this world?”
I tried to comfort her, wiping away her tears, but my words seemed to make her even more upset. She broke down, her thick tears falling like fat raindrops as she sobbed bitterly.
“Harris, you don’t know anything! You think you can just tell me ‘it’s okay’?! sob… sob…“
She shoved me, as if trying to push away the pain, and I grabbed her shoulders, shouting, “You’re right, I don’t know everything! No one can fully understand what you’ve been through. But I do know what it’s like to be abandoned by the only family you have. The memory of being sold to a hat factory when I wasn’t even yet 5 years-old because my parents didn’t have enough money to spend on gambling and booze—that memory is still seared into my heart! No matter how hard I try to forget, I can’t. It keeps clawing its way back.”
Gasp…pant…
I’d said it.
I’d let out the memories I’d wanted so desperately to bury.
Whether it was anger at my mother for selling that small child I once was or the lingering, unwelcome longing for the person who’d hurt me, I wasn’t sure. But next to Rapunzel, my eyes burned hot as the buried tears spilled out along with the buried memories..
Fwump!
The weight of the memories weakened my knees, and I slumped to the floor, feeling like I’d just shown Rapunzel something wretched.
And then, I felt her gently lean on my shoulder.
“I never wanted to show this side of myself to anyone, least of all you… But here I am, in tears. I’m sorry, Rapunzel.”
“It’s not like that. In fact, I’ve come to realize how strong and wonderful you truly are, Harris.”
“What? But… why?”
She gazed up at me, her face tender. “Isn’t it the memory of being left alone that makes you unable to turn away from kids in need, even when it means something annoying, even when you’d rather turn a blind eye? I remember watching you make that beautiful hat for the doctor on behalf of Tweedledum and Tweedledee, thinking, ‘Why is someone who seems to dislike children putting in so much effort for them?’ And the same thing with Humpty Dumpty. You helped her, not for her, but for her son, didn’t you? You pretend to be cold-hearted because of the hurt you suffered in your childhood, but deep down, I can tell that you’re a kind and caring person, Harris. I can only imagine how difficult it’s been for you.”
“…..”
I couldn’t speak.
First as a kid sold to the hat factory, then after fled from it as if escaping and lived my life scraping by day-by-day with the skills I’d learned, all I’d known was the scorn of strangers calling me an orphan, a fraud, a scoundrel. Even after meeting the King of Hearts and stepping into the world of nobility, I was nothing more than the butt of jokes to the ‘real’ nobles.
And yet, here was Rapunzel’s warmth, her words melting me like snow in the summer.
“Ra… Rapunzel…”
Drawn by her warm smile, which was genuine and heartfelt, I brought my forehead to hers without thought as she leaned against my shoulder
Haa… haa…
With her face so close to mine, I could hear her warm, soft breathing in my ears. It sounded even more strained than mine. Each small sigh, each exhale, each breath that passed from her mouth to mingle with mine made my heart race harder and my voice tremble.
“Ra… Rapunzel…”
“Harris…”
Her lips moved nearer, and my vision blurred slightly. I wanted to close my eyes, but the fear of her pulling away, as she had last time, held me back. I didn’t think I could bear the humiliation of being rejected by her again after getting excited all by myself.
Just as I was wrestling with my feelings, wondering what to do, I felt Rapunzel’s soft hand touch my cheek.
Her soft fingertips brushed against my flushed ears, sending a ticklish thrill through me.
‘I really don’t know anymore!’
Spurred on by Rapunzel’s uncharacteristic boldness, I closed my eyes, mustering up courage. One hand wrapped around her waist, and the other gently touched her cheek.
And at that moment…
Rapunzel’s lips touched mine.
Her lips were softer and warmer than I had imagined.
As our kiss deepened, Rapunzel’s lips parted slightly, and her tongue met mine.
“…Mm… ah…”
As our tongues intertwined, quiet sounds escaped from Rapunzel’s mouth, slipping between our mingled breaths.
“Rapunzel… ha… ha…”
Was this just to confirm each other’s feelings? Or maybe we’d been kissing too long and needed air?
We finally parted our lips, though our faces remained close together as we gazed into each other’s eyes.
“Ah…Harris… ha… ha…”
My name escaped from her lips, accompanied by her ragged breaths.
“Rapunzel, a-actually… I think I might l-…”
Riiiiing!
Just then, an ill-timed ringing broke the moment.
“Harris, I think… I think you’ve got a call.”
“Ahaha… yes, it is! It’s a call! I should… probably take it, right? Haha.”
“Yes, of course you should! W-well, I’ll head back to my room now. Good night!”
Maybe she was just as flustered as I was, because Rapunzel quickly flashed an awkward smile and returned to the room where Fiona and Chester were sleeping.
Riiing!
“Yes, Your Majesty. What can I do for you?”
After confirming Rapunzel was back in the room, I removed my top hat—the one the White Queen had given me—and answered the Queen’s call.
“Well, how is your search for the Queen of Hearts coming along?”
‘Well, a simple “hello” would have been nice.’
Without so much as a word of greeting, she spoke with her usual chill in her voice.
“Well, there have been… a few incidents, but I’m still looking. I haven’t found any traces of the Queen of Hearts yet…”
“Haha! Of course.”
‘Wait…is there something wrong with my ears?’
The White Queen—always so cold and impassively expressionless—was laughing? Surely I must of have misheard her.
She quickly regained her usual regal composure and cleared her throat, continuing in a dignified tone.
“Actually, I have called to tell you to stop looking for the Queen of Hearts.”
Surprised by her unexpected words, I asked excitedly, “Does that mean I’m free now, Your Majesty? I’ve always known, recognized with a first glance, really, that you were far more merciful than the King of Hearts!”
If I could really stop searching for the Queen of Hearts, that meant I’d be free to truly spend time with Rapunzel without worry!
But apparently, the White Queen wasn’t going to let me enjoy my freedom so easily. She looked at me with a distasteful expression before issuing a new order.
“When did I say you were free? There’s still work for you to do. Forget about finding the Queen of Hearts; from now on, I want you to find and bring Princess Rapunzel to me.”
“What? Pri… Princess Rapunzel?”
Her unexpected command took me completely by surprise, and I couldn’t hide my shock as I nearly stumbled backward.
She raised her right eyebrow, her eyes narrowing with suspicion.
“What? Is there a problem?”
‘Cool it. She may not be talking about the Rapunzel I know, it might just be someone with the same name. Let’s stay calm.’
“Problem? Oh, no, of course not! It’s just that I’ve never met this Princess Rapunzel before, so I was only worrying about how I’d recognize her if I happened to encounter her.”
The White Queen seemed to accept my excuse for now, though her eyebrow remained raised as high as a mountain peak in doubt.
“Hmm, I see. Fortunately, that should not be a concern. Rapunzel has exceptionally long, brilliant golden hair, that is dazzling even from a distance, so she will recognize her at a glance. According to my sources, she’s currently on her way to the Mad Tea Party with a strange group of companions, hoping to restore her body, which is presently as small as a thumb, to her original size, so you must go to the Mad Tea Party and wait for her.”
The White Queen’s words sent me into an unspeakable panic as they sank in.
‘A thumb-sized girl with shining golden hair, traveling with a group of oddballs to the Mad Tea Party? That has to be the Rapunzel I know! Should I tell the White Queen the truth? If she finds out later that I lied, I’m as good as dead!’
Thinking my life would be in danger, I almost confessed the truth about meeting Rapunzel and all that had happened since to the White Queen but… for some reason, the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth.
Strange. Why was this happening? Could it be… that the kiss with Rapunzel had softened me?
No way.
There was no way I, Harris the hatter, the great con artist and Casanova would lose his resolve over something trivial like that.
But… if, somehow, I really had softened… what would that mean? What…what would I do if my feelings for Rapunzel were real?
After hurriedly and barely managing to end my call with the White Queen after the revelation she was looking for the same Rapunzel I knew, I returned, legs shaking, to the room where Rapunzel and the others were sleeping.
There, oblivious to my conversation with the White Queen, Rapunzel lay sound asleep, her expression as lovely and peaceful as ever.
‘Oh no, I’m screwed. I’m really screwed. I think I… I think really am falling for her.’
Watching her sleeping face, I struggled to steady my wildly beating heart.
Translator notes:
- 맥반석 (Maekbansuk) alt, ‘elvan stone’, a type of heated stone for cooking food, and eggs cooked in this manner (맥반석 달걀) are a very specific food, sometimes served in saunas. They egg whites turn completely brown as part of the cooking process and take on a rich nutty flavor, and the yolk gets super creamy.
- 소똥처럼 굵은 눈물 (“tears as thick as cow dung”) – We saw this one in the first chapter, too. A more localized phrase might be “bawling her eyes out” or “crying rivers,”
- “라푼젤. 사, 사실 전 당신이… 조, 좋…” Harris’s sentence that gets cut off
- 카사노바 literally phonetic ‘Casanova’. To quote the internet: “Casanova is best known as one of the most famous lovers in history. But the Venetian was more than a womanizer. He was a scam artist and scofflaw, an alchemist, spy and church cleric. He wrote satires, fought duels, and escaped from prison more than once”
Mimetic words / onomatopoeias / sound effects:
- 꺼-억! (ggeo-eog) gulp/burp
- 하, 하 / 아하하하하 (hahaha) …. hahaha (laughter)
- 쿨쿨쿨…(kulkulkul) sound of someone sleeping deeply, like a deep inhale)
- 드르렁, 드르렁~ (deureurong deureurong) snoring
- 개굴 (gaegul) sound of a frog (could be ‘ribbit’ or ‘croak’ for American English)
- 에헴 (ehem) sound of throat clearing
- 흑흑/흐흑 (heukeuk/heuheuk) sobbing
- 헉… 헉헉…(hok hokok) gasping/panting
- 털썩 (tolssok) sound of something hitting the ground, thump, fwump, thud
- 따르릉!/따르르르릉! (ttareureung): ringing noises
- 으, 으음… 음 (eu eueum eum): ….kissing sounds?
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