Humpty Dumpty – the Hatter’s story (3)

* Hatter’s perspective

After Doctor Quack kicked us out, our group said farewell to the brothers Tweedledum and Tweedledee, then hurried along toward the Mad Tea Party.

‘Damn it, I thought I’d finally shaken off that annoying cat, but now we’re stuck together again! And we’ve even picked up some damp, slimy, toad-lookalike from who knows where, too. Why does everything have to get complicated just when things are going well? Since getting separated from that cat, the mood between Rapunzel and me was so much better…’

I cursed my unfortunate situation as I recalled that moment right before we reached Doctor Quack’s house, when I’d held Rapunzel close, our lips nearly touching. Remembering the flush of her cheeks, as red as an apple, and her soft lips, slightly parted and unsure, made my own face warm up.

“Oh, Harris! Are you running a fever? Your face is all red!”

“Ack—! Oh, no, it’s nothing. I just got hot all of a sudden, that’s all! Ahahaha… I’ll just, um, loosen my collar.”

That was close. She really caught me off guard, leaning in so suddenly!

I frantically placed my hand on my forehead and pushed her away, startled as I realized she had been so close that I could feel her breath on my skin. Rapunzel looked at me, blinking in confusion at my sudden commotion.

“Oh, well, I see! I’m glad it’s nothing,” she replied with a sweet laugh.

‘!’

What…what was that just now? I might really be in trouble.

Maybe it was because of the almost-kiss, or maybe it was that we’d nearly died together falling from that rickety bridge, but Rapunzel had suddenly started to look beautiful to me. I mean, she’d always been pretty—that’s why I’d approached her in the first place—but now?

The faint upward tilt of her lips when she smiled, the curve of her eyes when she laughed…now, every little thing about her was starting to dazzle me.

‘No way, this can’t happen. Get yourself together, Harris. You’re not dumb enough to really fall for a girl, are you?’

I thought this as I watched Rapunzel’s back as she walked ahead of me, her long golden hair fluttering like bright, shining silk.

‘No, no, absolutely not! That’s not shining hair—it’s troublesome maiden ghost hair!’

Desperate to get rid of the useless thoughts that kept creeping into mind, I gave my head a good shake.

“Hey, don’t you hear something, ribbit?”

“Gah!”

Sheesh, that almost shaved off ten years of my life. Ever since being dragged as a captive into that toad lair, just seeing anything green and hopping gave me goosebumps, even if it was just a poor frog with a tragic backstory, and not actually a toad.

“Why are you shouting? You’re not afraid of frogs, are you, Harris?”

The cat, Chester, asked me this sarcastically, obviously enjoying my reaction to seeing a frog show up out of nowhere. Since we’d reunited, he’d taken on this fake, insincerely polite tone, and it was somehow even worse than his old attitude. That annoying grin he ended every sentence with was truly unpleasant. Honestly, he was easier to deal with when he was just being openly hostile to me. Now it’s hard for me to say anything because it’s like that cat is scratching my nerves with his cat claws like I’m some kind of scratching post, and I’m so annoyed I could die.

“Shh! Both of you, be quiet. I hear something crying, ribbit!”

The frog—what was her name, Fiona-something-or-other?—waved her sticky webbed toes in my face, asking about the sound.

“Oh! I think I hear it too!” Chester, now transformed back into a cat, chimed in, agreeing with the frog.

“Hm, no matter how hard I listen, I can’t hear anything… How about you, Harris? Do you hear anything?”

‘As expected, I can’t communicate with four-legged critters! Look, only Rapunzel and I, the two humans here, who can’t hear a thing!’

“Same here, Rapunzel. So, how about we leave the matter of the crying sounds to our animal friends, Chester and Fiona, and you and I hurry and go on ahead to the Mad Tea Party?”

‘This is perfect. If I can separate us from the cat and the frog, so we’re alone together, then maybe Rapunzel and I can have another opportunity like we had earlier!’

A smile formed on my face as I imagined Rapunzel’s soft lips.

“No way!”

“Huh?”

“If someone’s crying, we should go see if they need help! It might be someone who needs our assistance, like the Tweedledum and Tweedledee did! Fiona, lead the way to where the sound’s coming from. Chester, you help Fiona out and lead us too. Harris, aren’t you coming along?”

“C-coming, of course!”

‘Ugh, this isn’t what I wanted, why are you suddenly dragging me into this?’

I didn’t particularly want to go, but with Rapunzel calling for me, I had no choice but to follow, trudging after the frog and the cat.

---

Hiccup, sob, waaaah…!

We walked along a path with fallen autumn leaves piled up, a sign that winter was approaching, and before I knew it, Rapunzel and I could hear the crying sounds too.

“Fiona, I hear it now! Harris, you can hear that sad sobbing now too, right?”

“Oh, um… yes I suppose so,” I answered half-heartedly, not really caring that much. But Rapunzel was so focused on finding the source of the crying that she barely noticed my indifferent answer.

“Rapunzel, look! There! Someone’s crying up there, on top of that high brick wall, ribbit!”

The frog ahead of me was so frantic to see just who was sobbing sadly on the wall that she was leaping as energetically as that mean toad lady when she was so excitable over her son’s wedding.

“Oh, oh no! … it’s an egg? Ribbit!”

“What? Did you say an… egg…is on the wall?” Rapunzel asked in disbelief.

“Yes, an egg! And if an egg falls from that height, it’ll surely shatter into pieces before anyone even has the chance to help. We need to quickly find a way to get up there and help him down! Chester, as a cat, you’re good at climbing up high places, right? Ribbit!” Fiona urged Chester hurriedly, as if time would run out at any second.

“Of course! Leave it to me!”

With a nod, Chester, that jerk of a cat, quickly climbed a nearby tree and leapt onto the wall where the crying egg was perched, slowly approaching him.

“Um, excuse me…”

“Wa-waaaaaaah!”

The egg, seeing Chester approach, burst into even louder wails.

“Please, calm down… Just take your time and tell us what happened. Who knows? Maybe we can help you somehow?” Chester moved closer, trying to soothe the weeping egg, .

“Last night, I had a few drinks and thought it’d be fun to climb up a tree, but I fell asleep up here, and when I opened my eyes and looked down, I was way so scared! I couldn’t move! I barely managed to crawl over to what seemed like a safer spot on this wall, but now that I’m here, I can’t see any way to get down… boo-hoo, waah!”

‘Unbelievable! If this is because you drank too much alcohol, then isn’t it your own fault that you’re in this situation? Seriously!’

“So that’s what happened. But it’s all right now. We’ll help you get down from the wall safely,” Chester reassured the crying egg, trying to calm it down.

“Will you carry me down on your back?”

“Uh… I think that might be a little difficult. It’d be hard to keep a round egg steady on my back without it rolling off.”

“But, then what am I supposed to do? What about my poor son waiting for me back home? He’s going to grow up without a mother, all because I was foolish enough to drink too much. Oh, my baby! Waaaah!”

‘Wait, you mean to tell me that this crybaby egg is a mother? If you have kids you shouldn’t be drinking recklessly and acting like this! It’s your own fault! … but then again, what’ll happen to the kid if something happens to her?’

I tried to brush off the danger the egg was in since it was her own actions that led to her predicament, but thinking about the child who would be left behind, alone, if she fell off the wall and died tugged uncomfortably at me.

‘M-Mom! I don’t want to be left alone! I want to go home together with Mom!’

Damn it… I remembered something pointless.

That senseless drunkard of an egg made me think about a childhood I didn’t want to remember because she was talking about useless things.

I shook my head to clear the unpleasant flashback scene that had popped into my mind from my thoughts.

“It’ll be alright. Everything will be fine. I’m sure we’ll think of something,” Rapunzel immediately took my trembling hand. She seemed to have thought I was anxious because of that egg. Well, she wasn’t entirely wrong, but that didn’t mean I had even the slightest intention of helping such an irresponsible parent.

“Oh, what should we do?” Tears began to well up in Rapunzel’s wide, doe-like eyes as she gazed up, clearly worried for the still-trembling egg on the wall.

“If I die, who will raise and take care of my child? Sob!” The egg, who ought to be disqualified from parenthood, began to sob even louder, calling out for her son.

“Argh, damnit..!”

I’d had enough.

I shook off Rapunzel’s hand that had been holding mine, and ran to the base of the tree Chester had climbed, shouting up to him.

“Chester! Hurry up and get me up the tree!”

I couldn’t believe I was actually surrendering my pride and self-respect to ask that infuriating cat for help. I honestly didn’t know what had come over me.

At my urgent shout, Chester leapt down from the wall and darted to the bottom of the tree where I was. He lowered his tail, making it easier for me to climb up. Once I was securely on his back, holding onto his neck, Chester swiftly carried me up to the wall where the wailing drunkard of an egg sat.

“Now, listen up, because I’ll only explain this once. I’m going to make you a giant hat. One with a long, strong rope sewn through it to support your body. You can use it like a paraglider to safely float down to the ground. Got it?”

I spoke to the egg like I was scolding her as she continued to sob.

“Oh, thank you so much! Sob! I don’t know how to repay this kindness.”

“I’m not doing it for you. I don’t want to help an irresponsible parent like you. I’m only doing it for the sake of your son, who is waiting for you at home.”

“Th–thank you, thank you so much!”

I hastily made a super-sized hat that was big and sturdy enough to support even a rumdum egg. It was, without a doubt, the largest and strongest hat I’d ever made in my life.

Snip, snip…

Tap, tap, tap!

After the final stitch, I fastened the paraglider hat and thread around her body, and quickly climbed back onto Chester’s back.

“Now, on the count of three, we all jump together. Got it?”

“Yes!”

“One, two, three!”

On three, Chester and the egg both jumped from the wall.

Thump!

As Chester, in cat form, and I, riding on his back, reached the ground almost immediately after he jumped. I quickly climbed off his back and looked around for the egg.

“Where’s that ridiculous egg? Did she make it down safely?”

Unable to spot that nonsensical drunkard of an egg no matter how much I looked around, I couldn’t help but shout out in an urgent voice.

“Harris, calm down! Look up there! She’s floating down safely and slowly through the sky with the paraglider hat you made for her. So, there’s no need to worry.” Chester tapped me on the shoulder with a tail that then pointed skyward.

“Phew, well, that’s a relief.”

“Yes, I agree! And, Harris… thank you for what you did back there. If it weren’t for you, that egg might have lost her life.” Chester awkwardly avoided my gaze as he expressed his thanks, clearly embarrassed.

“A part of me would have rather left such an irresponsible parent to deal with her own consequences, but I can’t help but feel sorry for the boy who would be left alone if that egg died. And besides, Chester, if you hadn’t helped me get up there, I wouldn’t have been able to do much on my own.”

“Haha, I see. I guess we make a better team than expected, huh?”

“Well, maybe…I suppose,” I replied, scratching my head and chuckling along with him.

‘Maybe this guy isn’t so bad after all.’

Thud!

The egg and her hat-paraglider had finally reached the ground.

“What’s your name?” With angry steps, I strode up to the egg who was unfastening the paraglider’s safety harness.

“Pardon?”

“I mean, I should at least know the name of such an irresponsible parent who drinks and climbs trees all night instead of thinking of her own kid., yeah?”

“I-I’m sorry! My name is Humpty Dumpty.”

Still irritated, I grabbed Humpty Dumpty by the collar and lifted her up but Chester quickly stepped in to separate the two of us.

“Alright, alright, Harris. Please calm down. We’re all safe, aren’t we? Humpty Dumpty, can you promise to avoid this kind of reckless behavior in the future?”

“Yes, yes! Of course!”

With Humpty Dumpty’s promise secured, Chester looked up at the sky, where the sun was slowly beginning to set.

“Well, it’s not all good news… the day’s almost over, and we still haven’t found a place to camp.”

“Well, I could help you with that! If you don’t mind, why don’t you all spend the night at my place? You saved my life—it’s the least I can do!”

Her words definitely caught our interest. With winter quickly approaching, the temperature was dropping fast as the sun set, and camping outside would be difficult, especially for humans like Rapunzel and me.

Though I’d just finished venting my frustration at Humpty Dumpty, I couldn’t deny that her offer sounded appealing, and I nodded in agreement.

“If we could, that would be great!”

As Chester nodded next to me in agreement, Humpty Dumpty glanced over at Rapunzel and Fiona before standing up and calling out with gusto, “Alright then, if there are no objections, then please follow me, everyone!”

---

“Mom! Where have you been?”

As soon as we arrived at Humpty Dumpty’s house, a small egg who was her spitting image popped out to greet her. Without needing anyone to tell us, we could tell he was her son from his rounded shape and that golden-brown glow, like he’d just come out of a sauna, that he was her son.

“Oh, my son! You’ve waited a long time for mom, haven’t you? I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll never leave you alone again.”

As her son came out to welcome her, Humpty Dumpty wrapped him in a warm hug.

“But Mom, who are they?”

“They’re some of Mommy’s friends. Let’s say hello, shall we?”

“Oh, hello! My name’s Macbanseok!” ¹

The little egg, still in his kindergarten chick hat, gave us a belly-button bow with a charming bashfulness. His chubby cheeks, still full of baby fat, had a healthy reddish glow like ripe persimmons.

“Please, come in, everyone. I’ll prepare a delicious dinner to thank you! Come along, dear, let’s go inside!”

Following Humpty Dumpty and her waddling son Macbanseok, we made our way into the cozy little cottage.

---

Translator comments:

WOW Harris was grouchy this chapter, lolol. And cue hints of a tragic backstory…

Also, while I learn all kinds of Korean words from reading stories, this time I learned an English one, too. I had no idea ‘rumdum’ was a word until I looked up 주정뱅이 in a dictionary. It means ‘a stupid or ignorant person, a drunkard, especially a derelict alcoholic.’ so there you go.

Also please applaud me for resisting the urge to translate ‘hat paraglider’ as ‘heli-cap-tor’ .

Translation notes:

SO MANY NOTES. I know I’ve just been dumping notes at the end of section and not doing in-line footnotes but the first one probably one probably deserves a shout-out.

• 맥반석 (Maekbansuk) alt, ‘elvan stone’, a type of heated stone for cooking food, and eggs cooked in this manner (맥반석 달걀) are a very specific food, sometimes served in saunas. They egg whites turn completely brown as part of the cooking process and take on a rich nutty flavor, and the yolk gets super creamy. This is significant in part because–
• 때깔 (ttae-kal): Refers to a well-baked or well-cooked appearance, like a glossy or golden brown surface for baked goods, and 한증막에서 갓 구워 나온 것처럼 literally translates to ‘as if fresh from the sauna’ and saunas (particularly 한증막, traditional Korean steam rooms) are known for their intense heat, which leaves people with a warm, glowing, and slightly flushed appearance. So these descriptions of are playing with the idea that Macbanseok has a warm, comforting glow and a round, cute appearance like his mother but also that he is, in fact, literally a golden-brown cooked egg that is served in saunas – a maekbansuk egg.
• 배꼽 인사 (baekkop insa/Belly-Button Bow/greeting): This is a generally endearing form of greeting often seen from young children. It’s the sort of thing that would make your grandma say like, ‘oh my, what a polite little boy you are!’ lol. There’s actually a children’s book about it: 배꼽 인사를 꾸벅! 이젠 나도 인사 잘 할 수 있어요~ (roughly, ‘Belly Greetings! Now I can say hello too~)
• 햇병아리 모자 (chick/newly hatched baby hat) I know kindergartners wearing yellow hats is a thing in Japan (for safety reasons – it’s very noticeable to drivers, and it’s not unusual for even very young kids to go to school on their own) I’m honestly less sure about Korea, but I’m assuming this is a reference to something like that.
• 젠장 (jenjang) – used by Hatter multiple times in this chapter, lol. This is definitely a curse word but it’s fractionally less rude than certain other alternatives (ex, it’s not as rude as the f-word). He later escalates to 이씨 (aish) which is just oooone syllable shy of a much harsher curse word.
• 거추장스러운 처녀 귀신 머리칼: “troublesome maiden ghost hair” evokes a pretty common folklore image. 처녀귀신 are often depicted with long, unkempt black hair covering their face or flowing loosely, symbolizing a young woman who died with unresolved grievances or unfulfilled desires, especially related to marriage or love.
• 재수탱이: Harris uses this term to describe Chester, which is hilarious to me because Chester used the exact same term to describe Harris back in Chapter 11. It has a sarcastic or negative connotation, loosely meaning “unpleasant” or “annoying,” – someone whose presence brings you misfortune.
• “나원참! 그러게술을작작처마셨어야지. 자업자득이네. 뭘.” Honestly not sure I translated this accurately, so here it is for anyone else to try.
• I think I’ve mentioned the different words for mom/mother, but possibly worth noting that Humpty’s son uses 엄마, the same as in Harris’s flashback, just to further show the parallels.

---

Mimetic words / onomatopoeias / sound effects: there are a lot of these this chap)

• 으악!/으아악! (euak/euaak) a startled scream like Argh! Ack! Gah! Or a blech/blargh sound (as in, someone getting sick)
• 하하하 (hahaha) …. hahaha.
• 헤헷 (hehet) a cutesy little laugh (or as one person on Hinative put it, “>0<“.
• 개굴 (gaegul) sound of a frog (could be ‘ribbit’ or ‘croak’ for American English)
• 쉿 (swit) – shushing someone to be quiet.
• 어랍쇼 (orapssyo) – idk exactly how to translate this. It’s an unhappy interjection when something suddenly isn’t going your way?
• 흐, 흑… 흐흐흑! (heu heuk heuheuheuk) – crying sound
• 으, 으아아아앙! (eu euaaaang) – startled scream
• 뚝딱뚝딱 (ttukttakttukttak) – sound of scissors: snip, snick
• 탕탕탕 (tangtangtang) – conveys a series of quick, energetic hits, repetitive tapping or banging. It’s used for hammering, knocking, etc. In this case, hammering or rapid stitches.
• 쿵 (kung) – sound of something hitting the ground: bump, thud, thump, clonk