* * *
Lavi returned to her room with Akkad. After confirming Allen had closed the door behind them, Lavi turned around and headed towards Akkad. She furrowed her brow as she looked at Akkad’s eyes.
“I told you not to wipe so hard, they’re red.” Lavi, who stretched out her hand while saying so, stopped when she noticed what a mess her hand was. Akkad’s eyes widened as he looked at Lavi’s hand, which had stopped in front of his nose.
“Laviette, your hand is…”
His pretty voice was hoarse from crying.
Lavi sighed and headed for the water pitcher. Why did Akkad make an even more pained expression when the wound was on her hand?
‘He’s just a little too gentle.’
Lavi dampened a handkerchief slightly and wiped her hand, then filled an empty glass with water. There was a gurgling sound of a cup being filled, and Lavi held it out to Akkad.
“Drink.”
“Yes… thank you.”
Lavi watched Akkad sip the water.
Silver-gray watched Lavi back.
Lavi’s gaze shifted to Akkad’s hand holding the glass of water.
‘My lifeline….’
A month ago, Lavi had lost consciousness when she fell and hit her head in the backyard. When she woke up, she realized that the world she was born and raised in was the inside of a BL novel she’d read in her previous life. 1She had reincarnated as Laviette Diaz, the younger sister of the novel’s main protagonist, Werner Diaz.
Lavi wasn’t interested in the knowledge that all the important people who would go on to lead the empire in the future, including her beautiful and kind brother, were gay. She was a short-lived extra who was destined to be the catalyst for the male lead Werner’s character transformation.
‘That sunfish is me! This is ridiculous!’ 2
She couldn’t go yelling and tearing her hair out in front of Akkad, so the scream she couldn’t utter lingered in her mouth.
‘I will try to smooth out the tumultuous love story my brother will experience, or at least protect him.’ These kinds of thoughts never crossed her mind.
Shouldn’t her first priority be living?
Werner was the main character, so there was no way he’d die from catching a cold. But Lavi was an extra. She didn’t even hit her head on a rock, just fell on ground covered with soft grass, and that left her unconscious for a month, so what more could be said?
It felt like she was being forced to live a life with a time limit.
Her body, which was weak from birth, would bruise at the slightest stimulus, and losing consciousness was a default result. When she caught a cold, she lived with a cough for a month, and she didn’t have even a tenth of the physical strength and stamina typical of other kids her age. It was a body so weak she couldn’t even dream of exercising, so it was close to impossible to develop physical strength. Even if all the doctors that could be found were asked, starting with the priests, they would tell her that the body was naturally weak and that she should live with caution.
They were basically saying that she would have to live her whole life as a sunfish.
By age 20, this body, which would become weaker as she got older, would be in danger even from catching a cold.
The content of the original work was vague, and she didn’t have clear memories of herself in her previous life. But if there was one thing she remembered clearly, it was that she died at the age of twenty-five without ever having had a relationship.
Being born into a good family, having a fluttering romantic relationship full of excitement against a backdrop of pink flowers, it was impossible for a sunfish!!
She couldn’t even remember if she was going to die from illness or at the hands of a villain targeting the male protagonist.
First of all, she needed a plan to save this body, assuming that the reason she died at age twenty was because she was sick.
After a week of thinking about it, the answer she came up with was her childhood friend, Akkad.
Lavi looked at Akkad and asked in a gentle voice, “Have you finished drinking?”
“Yes.”
“Then hold my hand. I’m sick.”
Akkad was a great kid, who had healing powers that worked on the condition of skinship. 3
The only thing was, Akkad’s healing couldn’t make a weak body healthy. It healed wounds and restored her to the healthiest state she could be in based on her own body, but that was about it.
Lavi took the empty glass of water and held out her empty hand.
Akkad hesitated, unable to take it easily, and then removed his gloves, seeing the tiny wounds on Lavi’s hands.
The gloves were worn because Akkad was still too young to fully control his powers. A mere touch triggered the healing powers.
Lavi urged Akkad excitedly, “Come on.” Akkad carefully took her hand, and the rush of refreshing energy Lavi had been eagerly waiting for as she searched the backyard flowed in. “Thank you.” Lavi raised the corners of her mouth and stroked Akkad’s pink hair.
Akkad would probably go off to war when he turned sixteen. Lavi’s plan to keep her body together was to stay with him until then, and then go to the temple to seduce a priest with a lot of divine power into marriage. If her husband was a healer, she might be able to survive somehow. Since she didn’t know when or how she would die, she planned to do everything she wanted to do while Akkad was still around.
Lavi looked at Akkad without hiding her plotting gaze. Their clasped hands trembled slightly, but Lavi had no intention of letting go.
“Let’s go to sleep.”
“Huh…? Again? I slept here last week too.”
“I have to sleep with you to sleep well. You don’t care if I have nightmares?”
Lavi gave strength to the hand holding Akkad’s with a cool expression, gripping it more tightly.
If the blanket was even a little too heavy, she was easily crushed by sleep paralysis, and it was common to wake up startled by the slightest noise of the wind. For all sorts of reasons, she couldn’t fall into deep sleep, and every few days she would simply pass out like fainting.
Then, by chance, she fell asleep holding Akkad’s bare hand.
God, she had never slept so well in her entire life.
After studying Lavi’s expression, Akkad wiggled his fingers and opened his mouth.
“But…I haven’t told my mother, and…”
“I already told her, you just need to stay by my side.”
It was a lie, of course. There was no way she’d already told her, since she’d just decided they should sleep together.
Akkad’s parents, the Duke and Duchess of Enoch, had been close friends with her parents since childhood. And the Duke and Duchess of Enoch were very, very fond of her, so she knew they’d say yes, even if the ask was a little late. Often, they would say they wanted her as a daughter-in-law and subtly suggest the two stay close. Whenever they did, Lavi looked at the Duke and Duchess of Enoch with wistful eyes.
‘Your son is going to love my brother.’
She had to smile, swallowing the words she couldn’t bring herself to say.
If there was a problem, it was just that Akkad’s vigilance had increased lately? Even if he thought her personality had changed a bit since she’d fallen and woken up, it was still a bit much. Lavi racked her brain for what to do, but couldn’t come up with much.
‘I guess I’ll just have to keep catching him.’
They were close enough that Akkad visited the mansion three times a week, so there were plenty of opportunities.
“Looks like you’ve both had a good time today. You need to take a bath before dinner.”
Jenny, the maid, looked at Lavi and Akkad with a friendly smile.
Lavi nodded and turned to Jenny, “Tell Akkad to bathe first. I have something to do before that.”
Lavi watched Akkad’s back as he took the maid’s hand and headed for the bathroom, then surreptitiously picked up some stationary. It was to write a letter to Akkad’s mother, the Duchess of Enoch. In it, she said they’d had a lot of fun today, and asked if Akkad could sleep over. Along with asking to be invited to the Duke’s residence next time, she also added she wanted to see her friend’s dear mother.
With a smirk, Lavi folded the letter neatly and placed it in an envelope.
“Jenny, here.”
“Shall I send it to the Duchess of Enoch?”
“Yes. I’m going to have a sleepover tonight with Akkad, so please prepare for it.”
“As you wish.”
Jenny handed the letter to another maid, then picked Lavi up. Lavi hugged Jenny’s neck in a familiar way and let out a small sigh. After waking up from her fall in the yard that left her unconscious for a month, the overprotection had gotten worse.
“I can walk.”
“No, you can’t. If you fall in the bathroom, it would be a big deal.”
Even though she had already wiped the bathroom floor dry, Jenny was stubborn. It was overprotective, but Lavi’d only just woken up, so she couldn’t argue. She knew that doing as she was asked would ease everyone’s worries. Just a little more time, she thought to herself, and it would all work out.
As she entered the bathroom, she saw the waiting maid dipping her hand into the tub. The maid carefully measured the water’s temperature with a thoughtful expression, then nodded toward Jenny.
“It’s just right.”
Every time they did this, Lavi realized again how fragile she was. Her skin would break out at the slightest hint of heat, so the maids always had to pay strict attention to managing the water temperature.
Still, she didn’t feel bad, knowing that tonight would be a restful night.
Just as she was about to doze off at the touch of the maids, she heard a voice say it was over.
“Come on, you’re done.”
“I want to stay a little longer.”
“Not today, you played outside for a long time today.”
Lavi’s bath time was always a regulated affair. If she stayed in the hot water for too long, she would immediately show symptoms of dehydration. Lavi wanted to tell her that she would be fine because she had Akkad today, but she had to hold her tongue.
After the careful bath, the maids hurriedly dried Lavi’s hair in case she caught a cold. Meanwhile, Jenny, who had brought pajamas, asked with a serious face, “Miss. These are the new clothes I ordered for you, how do you like them?”
Lavi shifted her body this way and that because it wasn’t simply a question of whether or not she liked the design.
“They’re fine.”
The concern was because the accident the other day when she’d fallen in the backyard had occurred when she tripped on the hem of her dress.
Her clothes had been specified to be lightweight but not unadorned, they shouldn’t look too plain, but not too thin, and they had to have a lively childlike design. It seemed that there was a dress shop that actually accepted such a bizarre order that guaranteed that no stepping on the hem of the skirt from any posture would be possible during activity.
The maids scrutinized Lavi as she changed into her pajamas.
“Miss. Would you like to try a few steps?”
“No, these are just pajamas, I don’t need to bother with walking…”
However, when Lavi saw the twinkle in the maids’ eyes, she couldn’t protest. As she took a slow step, the maids looked at the dress, ready to tear it apart.
“I don’t think we need to send this one back.”
They were thinking of sending the custom ordered dress back? Was that even possible? While Lavi stared in amazement, the maids debated heatedly.
“So, do you think we should order a few more outfits from the dress shop this time?”
“No. The designs are still too plain.”
“The fabric color is a bit off. It looks a bit lifeless. I’ll write to Madam.”
‘I’m sorry about looking lifeless.’
All she did after going out was just stand still and then walk about ten steps, so why was she so tired?
Akkad, who had already taken a bath a while ago, was sitting in a chair waiting for Lavi. Lavi tilted her head as she watched the maids bring tray after tray of food to the table. Why not go to the dining room?
Seeing the look on Lavi’s face, Jenny smiled, “No one else is here today.”
“Even mother?
“Yes. Just for today, we’ll eat in the bedroom.”
Lavi nodded vaguely and picked up a fork. Unlike the food in front of Akkad, hers had a lot of green grass. She also wanted to eat a lot of meat, too. She wanted to eat a lot of rice, and to eat until her stomach burst, but her body, which would get sick immediately if she ate too much, thoroughly restricted what she could eat.
She got sick just by eating meat, and she got sick just by eating vegetables.
At first glance, it seemed like a healthy body that required a balanced diet, but it wasn’t.
How could anyone live on a diet of food like this bird feed?
Lavi was surprised that she had survived on such a small amount of food. Despite her resolve to gradually increase her portion size, she was quickly full after a few forkfuls.
“I want to eat a lot, too.”
“Yes? Would you like more of this?”
Lavi’s little monologue was interrupted by Akkad, who held out a bit of his steak with a bright expression.
Lavi shook her head. “It’s okay. You can eat more, Akkad.”
It was a very sincere statement. Lavi smiled at Akkad as he beckoned for him to eat more. Eat up a lot and grow strong, my friend.
‘If you’re strong, isn’t that how I’ll be strong?’
Akkad, having eaten his fill thanks to Lavi pushing the plate in front of him, leaned back in his chair and groaned.
“It’s a little late, so just have this for dessert.”
The dessert brought by the maid after clearing the empty plates was pudding. It was a small portion, considering she usually served a couple of different types. Lavi stared quietly at her share of pudding, then pushed it toward Akkad.
“Laviette, aren’t you eating?”
“That’s right. You eat it.”
“I’m full.
“No, there’s always room for dessert. You can have it.” Lavi held out the spoon, unmoved by Akkad’s words. “Come on, say ‘aaah’.”
Lavi’s face lit up as he watched Akkad gulp down the pudding. The maids behind him looked at the two children with strange expressions.
After the meal, Lavi got ready for bed and was busy looking at Akkad’s pajamas on the bed. Akkad’s pajamas had become more varied lately, perhaps due to the number of sleepovers he’d been having. Today’s pajamas were a pale light blue, but somehow it seemed there was no color that didn’t suit Akkad. After a moment of admiration, Lavi’s eyebrows shot up when she noticed Akkad’s behavior.
“Akkad, what are you doing?” Akkad had moved far away from her and was lying down. “Akkad. Come closer.”
“………No.”
Akkad was giving her a wary look.
“What do you mean ‘no’?”
“Sleeping together is something you do with someone you like.”
Where did he pick that up from?
‘You didn’t say anything until now, and aren’t we already in bed together?’ At only seven years old, what would you rather do than lie in the same bed with someone you like?
Lavi snorted and hopped upright, and Akkad stiffened.
“You can think of me as my elder brother, then.” 4
In the novel, Akkad was supposed to have a crush on her brother, Werner. She didn’t know when Akkad started to like him, but Lavi was already thinking Akkad liked him.
“What–uh?”
Lavi giggled as Akkad asked what she was talking about. She and her brother Werner looked so much alike that if it weren’t for the age difference, people would say they were twins.
“I know you like him. I have the same hair color and eye color as my big brother, so…”
“No, it’s not true.”
Lavi was a little surprised that Akkad had cut her off. In addition, the voice that had done so was quite firm.
“What’s wrong?”
“You’re different from big brother Werner.” 5
“Uh…okay.”
She apologized. Apparently, it was unpleasant to say that she resembled the person he liked. Lavi, thinking that didn’t feel good, looked at Akkad and patted the spot next to her with her palm.
Akkad squirmed hesitantly.
Lavi reached over and grabbed Akkad’s hand, pulling him closer.
“Hic.”
“What are you so surprised about? Lie down.”
Lavi reached for Akkad, who was lying beside her, unmoving. She didn’t need to hold his hand, it seemed she would be able to fall asleep just by fiddling with his hair. She loved the feeling of the soft hair running through her fingers. Akkad seemed to hate his hair because it was pink, but Lavi liked it.
“Don’t touch my hair-“
“But I like it because it feels like it’s going to melt if I keep touching it. I wish my hair was pink too.”
“I like the color of your hair better. It’s like sunshine.” A small murmur added that it was her hair that looked like it was going to melt in the sunlight.
Lavi smiled pleasantly and patted Akkad’s head. Then she noticed the scars on her fingers and shook her head. He’d held her hand earlier, but the wound hadn’t healed because they were caught by the maid and taken to the bathroom.
Lavi thought about it, and suddenly wondered how effective it would be to kiss him instead of holding hands. She remembered that Akkad’s healing abilities depended on the intensity of the contact.
“Akkad.”
Lavi’s voice was low, and Akkad looked up with an uneasy expression. Lavi grabbed Akkad’s wrist and tugged him closer, and Akkad reluctantly followed.
Every time Akkad was dragged by Lavi, he thought the same thing: Lavi was weak, and if he resisted, she might get hurt.
Besides, even if Lavi pulled with all of her might, she was so weak that it was like he was going on his own.
Their faces were right in front of each other.
Lavi looked at Akkad and thought briefly, his silver-gray eyes were so watery that it was scary to think about actually doing it. She hadn’t done anything yet, so why? Why was he so wary of her when he was only a seven year-old boy?
It’s possible now because they’re young, but she can’t kiss him when they’re all grown up.
Akkad cried because he was so scared of Lavi’s gloomy face, but Lavi didn’t realize it.
“Akkad. Look at my face.”
Lavi sat up, pulling Akkad with her. Sitting up across from her, Akkad tilted his head with a puzzled face. His pink eyelashes fluttered a couple times.
“Huh?”
Lavi leaned in close to Akkad’s face. “What do you think?” Akkad still didn’t know what was going on. “What do you think when you see my face?”
‘My brother will come to mind’, Lavi was confident as she waited for Akkad’s answer.
Akkad looked at Lavi, who was staring back at him.
Her blonde hair was like curls of sunlight, and her blue eyes were like jewels.
Her pale skin was so easily bruised that he was afraid to touch it.
His lips were chapped and often scabbed with blood.
Akkad frowned and unconsciously reached out to touch Lavi’s lips.
“…pretty…..”
“Hmm. Really?”
Akkad pulled his hand away, startled by Lavi’s lips moving as she spoke.
Lavi grabbed his hand back and lay down again.
“I guess so.”
Although he firmly stated a moment ago that she and her brother were different, it was true that they were pretty similar, so it was only natural he thought she looked pretty.
Then why was it so hard to hold hands every time when he should be weak to this appearance?
She was trying to figure out how to get him to relax his guard, but in that brief moment, Akkad yawned and rubbed the corners of his eyes, apparently starting to get sleepy.
“Come on.”
Looking at Akkad, Lavi recalled the contents of the original story. Akkad had always appeared in major developments in the entourage of the male protagonist, but the romance was almost non-existent. Aside from one deep kiss when Werner was badly injured, there was nothing. That was probably right before the ending, or at least was pretty late in the story.
Tsk. Seeing Akkad, who would fall in love with her older brother soon, suddenly made her sad.
Lavi reached out and pulled Akkad into a hug, patting him on the back.
- BL novel: ‘Boy’s love’ novel – a genre of gay romantic fiction, but typically targeted towards female audience. ↩︎
- Sunfish/mola mola: Poor sunfish, they have such a bad reputation and while it’s not completely accurate, they are colloquially known as the ‘Dumb Ways to Die’ poster child of the ocean. Real-world magikarps. Slang/shorthand for something so uselessly fragile it can die from basically anything (in part because of a game that was (is?) popular in Korea where you raise a sunfish and it dies from things like brushing against a rock, or getting scared by its own shadow – I think it’s been localized, check out ‘Survive! Mola mola!’) ↩︎
- Skinship: think of it as a portmanteau of ‘skin’ and ‘kinship’. Bonding through physical (touch/skin-to-skin) contact. There’s an undertone of closeness/intimacy but in a non-sexual way. Touchy-feely friendship? ↩︎
- Lavi refers to Werner as 오라버니 / oraboni – a relatively formal term used by females for one’s older brother ↩︎
- When Akkad refers to Werner as big brother here, he’s using 형/hyung, which literally translates as ‘brother’ but in Korean is also used by guys to refer to older guy friends or male siblings older than themselves. It doesn’t have to be a blood relation. ↩︎
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